So the FOH minute has been on hiatus for a while and due to the level of fuckery that’s clogging up our timelines, it’s been forced to make a comeback. There seems to be a general consensus that our society (and many things affected by our society) are topsy turvy due to a very pissed off deity taking a very huge cosmic shit on us. Well granted it could be our own fault and more than likely it is, but either way the world is very much akin to a shit show right now and you’re either duckin’ it or slingin’ it for your life!
There are soooooo many people and things that can get the FOH, but we’re gonna start with Ryan “LyinAss” Lochte. By now you should have heard all about the kerfuffle that happened with this american olympic athlete during the recent Summer trials. This guy and some of his teammates acted a fool, lied about the circumstances and got caught in the web of lies that followed. So, Sir Swimtrunks got some of his re$iduals snatched! Which is exactly what this overgrown frat boy deserves in light of the facts. But of course, leave it to “WhiteIsRightEvenWhenItsWrong” America to turn right around and coddle this dude, (who the Olympic committee referred to as a kid by the way!) Callin’ his 32 year old ass a kid is a stretch at best as he’s the elderly’est lookin’ kid I’ve ever seen! The irony of that dyed “white” hair was just too perfect!
So for Dancing With the Stars to invite this national disgrace Lyin’ Ryan to come dance his blues away, in the midst of the aftermath no less, is just sheer fuckery…but so American. Thus far he has lost four major endorsements, but is managing to pick up others so of course he’ll be just fine, no worries there. He’ll be handsome, rich and dim as a windowless garage for years to come. In fact, ‘Pine Bros. Throat Drops’ have offered the TellerofTalltales an endorsement which should (again ironically) come in handy for his sore throat after all the back peddlin’ and white splainin’ he’s been doing. What’s also disturbing is it seems like he’s more annoyed that he got called on his shit than he is sorry for his immature actions and the ugly turmoil they’ve caused. Most recently it has been reported that he’s been formally indicted by Rio police for filing a false report. We’ll see how far it goes, but good luck with that Rio.
(Aww shucks, me and the fella’s were just joshin’!… Nukka Please!!)
This was yet another boneheaded move by an overly confidant and entitled white male american in a foreign country. It’s no secret that it happens quite a bit, except this time the behavior was called to the floor for all the world to see by a very over it Brazil . His impressionable teammates caught the fallout that was rightfully his, because as we all now know, he ran from Rio with a zip! zoom! gone! like his sport was track and field! All of those young men will be a tad tainted from here on out and rightly so because they are just as guilty for going along with that shit crockery of a story! But has there been any real admonishments or apologies? Nope, just the usual two step shuffle, throw some money at it, burying of the shit. It was shameful the way the talking heads in the mainstream media were tripping over their tongues trying to fix-up the fabrications and make lame excuses for this guy.
(NewsCaster: “See what had happened was…” Public: “Shut yo’ wasn’t even there ass up!”)
Look, he LIED, he didn’t exaggerate, he didn’t stretch the truth or fudge the fukkin facts, he LIED. He fucked up and blamed it on the alcohol…repeatedly. And you know it’s a funky forecast when Al ‘thee’ Roker has to be the voice of reason for this country! That entire debacle was an embarrassment that never should have happened. America really missed its chance to be gracious on the world stage, but who’s really surprised that it wasn’t? Our collective card has been pulled, AGAIN. The cheap make-up this country hides behind is melting fast and the ugly bitch underneath just can’t be hidden for much longer. It is what it is folks. So yeah, FOH with this moistasspussyfooting concerning Lying ass Lochte. He has earned the eternal side eye and tho he may have won his medal(s) fair and square, he certainly doesn’t deserve the accolades that come with them.
Make sure you come back for the next FOH Minute!
Op-ed By Cozmicsequels Via @VinoTown
*Photos courtesy of AOL, IMGFlip and ~Elegante~ Via Flikr